A little bit of backstory, if you’re into that. ⏱️ 5-minute read
I’ve always felt like I skipped a few steps in life. This is the story of how I tried to find my way back and how I found myself here. I suppose I’ve got to go back a little bit.
I don’t really do birthdays and stuff like that – you know, for a variety of reasons, including how people tend to pigeonhole you because of that number. But let’s just say that I’m old enough to know better.
Leaving School Early
But a good few years ago, I left school before finishing it. I would have been 15 or 16 years old. I completed the Junior Cert, which is halfway through secondary school in Ireland. I did quite well in it and would have been regarded as a capable student.
But then a series of circumstances came about, which allowed me to leave school. This would not have been uncommon back then, and in hindsight, it probably wasn’t a good idea. Because that part of your life, the teenage years, is pretty important. You are presented with opportunities to figure out who you are, what you want, where you want to be, and to find your tribe.
The Rush of Adult Life
Anyway, at 16, I was thrust into the workplace, and I found myself surrounded by mostly older guys, guys who were married, had kids and all the usual baggage that grown-up life entails. Really, although they were mostly nice, I didn’t have much in common with them.
I was no longer among people my own age – no familiar faces, no close friends, no tribe. I’d left school behind, stepped into the adult world, and started earning a bit of money. To be honest, it was a buzz – a rush. And for the most part, I liked it.
The Fast-Forward Years
I was living a life my schoolmates hadn’t yet stepped into and doing things that felt adult in some ways, but downright stupid in others. It was like I had skipped ahead a few squares in some board game.
But life doesn’t work like that. You can’t fast-forward through certain chapters, especially the early ones, without losing something important – because you then miss out on the lessons in those chapters. They are the lessons that help guide and shape you in a timely and age-appropriate fashion.
A few years after I had left school, I felt like I was blowing in the wind and had missed the opportunity to find my natural direction or to let my true self emerge. I let the wind carry me – and for that, I take ownership.
I felt it strongly for quite a few years, and sometimes, it made me angry, bitter, resentful and regretful. (Jeez, that’s a lot of emotion there) 🙂
Finding Photography
It wasn’t until much later – around fifteen years ago, that I stumbled into photography and felt something click. (apologies for the awful pun) The moment I picked up a camera and started pointing it at different things, different people, I thought, ‘Hang on a minute – this is what I should’ve been doing all along.’
I’d always leaned toward the creative side in school – drawing, painting, making things with my hands. I had a pretty active imagination too – still have. I was probably the only one in my family to go to after-school art classes. (Thank you, Reggie Smith – in the old tech)
Photography became a part of me, and I enjoyed it immensely. I took every opportunity to practice it. So much so that I’m now a full-time commercial photographer – mostly property, small product, people and events. If you’re curious to see some of my photography, here’s the obligatory link. Clicky. It has its ups and downs, but I do get to meet a lot of people, and every day is a different experience.
However, because I shoot commercially, I no longer have enough time to practice photography for myself. It could be argued that I need to make time for myself. But that’s a story for another post. You can see some of my personal work here. Clicky.
Why this blog?
Over the past few years, I’ve discovered that I enjoy writing down my thoughts and observations. I don’t consider myself a writer, but I’ve found something deeply satisfying about taking the words out of my head and putting them onto a page.
Most of what I write is little more than a stream of consciousness, fragments of dreams, overheard conversations, and passing thoughts. Much of it probably makes no sense, and a lot of the time it’s pure nonsense.
But that’s not really the point. I feel the need to get those thoughts out of my head, to clear a little space for whatever comes next. And somehow, that’s what makes it so enjoyable.
Why Look Back
I think the reason I revisited my youth in the earlier part of this post was due to a long-standing urge to create, whether through photography or words. It’s probably the path I should’ve taken when I left school at sixteen. But I didn’t.
Over the past few years, I’ve shared my personal photography and scattered thoughts – call them what you will – on Facebook, Twitter, other social apps, and this occasional blog tucked away on my business website.
I’ve been on those platforms since the early days, back when they felt like genuine communities – places where people were connecting without trying to judge you or sell you something. Places where you could find your voice, your tribe.
Getting Rid of the Noise
A few months ago. I began stepping back from those spaces. There’s so much clutter and conflict there now, and I found they steer me further away from who I actually am and what I want to do.
I deleted nearly all my Facebook content, except for a few work-related photo albums – I still need to point potential clients somewhere. These days, I post only my 365 project updates, and as soon as the year is up, they too will disappear. However, they will still live on this website. Clicky.
I haven’t deleted them, as there are still many friends there that I want to stay in contact with.
Looking Forward
After trying a few other blog-type spaces, I am back here, still on my own website. After years of chasing Likes, engagement, seeking validation, and trying to dodge the noise, I find myself here. I don’t know exactly what ‘here’ is or where it will go, but I do know I need a space for the words and images that don’t fit anywhere else. Somewhere a bit quieter. Somewhere a bit more honest.
And yeah, so that’s about it. If you’ve read this far, thank you.
